Gas: $33.30

it used to cost me 12 bucks to fill my gas tank up.  that was only 6 years ago.

as i was without one child yesterday, max, i found it hard to head straight home after dropping him off at his grandma’s house.  i saw stores i wanted to go into and buy stuff from.  mostly food, richard’s whole foods, to be specific.  i just barely controlled my passing it on the way home – literally having to talk myself down.

i’m out of chocolate and want to buy some. badly.  i don’t plan on depriving myself on this money journey, but i do plan on leaning on my husband as much as possible.  see, when he goes into a store to buy chocolate, he comes out with only a bar of dark chocolate.  when i go into the store, i come out with a couple bags of food.  some people find clothing stores or shoe stores a weakness.  for me it is the grocery store that will always be the recipient of my last dollar.

so yesterday was a success for me.  i’m sending hal to the store on his way home from work to pick  up that chocolate.

hal took my car to work today.  this is good because max is going with his g-ma again, and i’m forced to stay home to watch, Weeds, and do laundry.  two equally important activities, with Weeds being only slightly higher up in the hierarchy.

someone once told me that i have an addictive personality.  not in an intense, “you’re going to die of a drug overdose someday,” way.  more like an observation that when i like something it tends to have more control over me than i do it.  i can see the truth in his observation.  i mean, i’m not out-of-control following my desire to spend around like i’m her bitch, but it is a struggle to not buy stupid shit.  just because i can. it feels like a pull on my heart when i say, no!, to my arms when they want to turn the car into a grocery store parking lot.  its like when i know “i can,” i start to search my brain for “things” we “need.”  literally, SEARCH.  or rather, make up a list of things we need.  funny shit.